Dealing with depression and anxiety and focusing on creativity and spirituality

What a month and a half I have had!!!!! I have generalized anxiety disorder with OCD and mild depression on and off. Well about a month ago I had a turn for the worse and experienced a severe panic attack. Honestly this was really bad and I felt it coming like a bubble was about to burst. All of the sudden I started to get really hot as if my entire body was on fire. Like literally I felt like I was on fire and this made me even more scared. For a brief second, while I was lost in this overwhelming feeling of fear, I really didn't know what to do. I thought of calling 911 but I realized that what I  was experiencing was a panic attack and ran to take Ativan which was prescribed as needed for anxiety ( mainly for flying on airplanes). Well thank goodness that the Ativan kicked in and I started to feel better. Although I initially felt better, the past month has been difficult and I have been dealing with the fear of another panic attack and depression on and off.

So most of September has been spend dealing with coping with my increased anxiety and my on and off depressive symptoms. My creativity, however has not been affected and I have created lots of new paintings and drawings. The process of creating has been therapeutic. Although the process has been healing, it has also caused me to be a little depressed at times usually after I finish a painting. Every time I would create a new piece of artwork I would wonder if I would ever succeed in being a full time artist. The self doubt and negative thinking added to my already depressive mood.

So I have been dealing with coping and I am currently taking an antidepressant that my VA doctor prescribed. For a long time I refused to take meds but I realized that maybe I needed them. I feel like I do have a chemical imbalance that could be helped with medication. It's tough because there is such a stigma in society when it comes to mental illness. I can't tell you how many times I have heard people tell me to "just relax" or to just "stop being depressed." It is such a ridiculous attitude and I really think that more awareness needs to be brought to the surface. I mean of course a certain amount of anxiety is normal and feeling sad sometimes is part of life, however there is a difference between normal anxiety and sever anxiety. The feeling that something is wrong or something bad is going to happen is not fun!

Spirituality has always been a big part of my life and honestly has really helped me in my life. I do believe in God, the afterlife, the soul, and that there is a bigger meaning to life. This has always helped me to feel inspired. I recently discovered a new podcast called the Afterlife with Bob Olsen. Well one of the interviews was with Natalie Sudman and her near death experience. Her story really uplifted me and gave me new inspiration. It is like a burst of energy came over me while I was listening to the interview and reminded me of the higher meaning of life and that we are all here for a reason and purpose. I have read many books on near death experiences and other topics of spirituality and this usually always uplifts me. The interview, as with the many books I have read, really made me happy and I can say that I feel totally motivated currently and inspired to make my ART dreams come true and to live a happier life with more mindfulness and more awareness!!!!!

So yes I will still have to deal with my anxiety disorder and I know it won't be easy but I am hopeful that It will get better. Creativity and spirituality always seem to help me and make me aware of the important things in life and the depth and deeper meaning of life. What I would love my art to do for others is bring them happiness. I want people to look at my art and feel inspired, happy, and excited. I tend to draw and paint lots of bright artwork and lots of florals and I think that this is because I want to focus on happiness and beauty.