 I really like crayons. I use them a lot in my work usually as a first layer in my crazy colorful abstract paintings on paper. Today, I felt inspired to do a fashion illustration with crayons. It was seriously fun and I did not use a pencil first I just went ahead and started drawing with crayons. I also used some pink marker to add some pop. So yeah, crayons are super cheap and you can make some pretty awesome drawings!
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 What a month and a half I have had!!!!! I have generalized anxiety disorder with OCD and mild depression on and off. Well about a month ago I had a turn for the worse and experienced a severe panic attack. Honestly this was really bad and I felt it coming like a bubble was about to burst. All of the sudden I started to get really hot as if my entire body was on fire. Like literally I felt like I was on fire and this made me even more scared. For a brief second, while I was lost in this overwhelming feeling of fear, I really didn't know what to do. I thought of calling 911 but I realized that what I was experiencing was a panic attack and ran to take Ativan which was prescribed as needed for anxiety ( mainly for flying on airplanes). Well thank goodness that the Ativan kicked in and I started to feel better. Although I initially felt better, the past month has been difficult and I have been dealing with the fear of another panic attack and depression on and off.
So most of September has been spend dealing with coping with my increased anxiety and my on and off depressive symptoms. My creativity, however has not been affected and I have created lots of new paintings and drawings. The process of creating has been therapeutic. Although the process has been healing, it has also caused me to be a little depressed at times usually after I finish a painting. Every time I would create a new piece of artwork I would wonder if I would ever succeed in being a full time artist. The self doubt and negative thinking added to my already depressive mood. So I have been dealing with coping and I am currently taking an antidepressant that my VA doctor prescribed. For a long time I refused to take meds but I realized that maybe I needed them. I feel like I do have a chemical imbalance that could be helped with medication. It's tough because there is such a stigma in society when it comes to mental illness. I can't tell you how many times I have heard people tell me to "just relax" or to just "stop being depressed." It is such a ridiculous attitude and I really think that more awareness needs to be brought to the surface. I mean of course a certain amount of anxiety is normal and feeling sad sometimes is part of life, however there is a difference between normal anxiety and sever anxiety. The feeling that something is wrong or something bad is going to happen is not fun! Spirituality has always been a big part of my life and honestly has really helped me in my life. I do believe in God, the afterlife, the soul, and that there is a bigger meaning to life. This has always helped me to feel inspired. I recently discovered a new podcast called the Afterlife with Bob Olsen. Well one of the interviews was with Natalie Sudman and her near death experience. Her story really uplifted me and gave me new inspiration. It is like a burst of energy came over me while I was listening to the interview and reminded me of the higher meaning of life and that we are all here for a reason and purpose. I have read many books on near death experiences and other topics of spirituality and this usually always uplifts me. The interview, as with the many books I have read, really made me happy and I can say that I feel totally motivated currently and inspired to make my ART dreams come true and to live a happier life with more mindfulness and more awareness!!!!! So yes I will still have to deal with my anxiety disorder and I know it won't be easy but I am hopeful that It will get better. Creativity and spirituality always seem to help me and make me aware of the important things in life and the depth and deeper meaning of life. What I would love my art to do for others is bring them happiness. I want people to look at my art and feel inspired, happy, and excited. I tend to draw and paint lots of bright artwork and lots of florals and I think that this is because I want to focus on happiness and beauty.  Lately I have been creating a still life flower series on Canson color pencil paper and lets just say that I am simply loving them. I have always loved creating art on paper rather than canvas but now I am even loving it even more. The flowers series are created with lots of energy and with oil pastels, acrylics, color pencils, crayons, and pens. I am so excited about this new process. I feel like the flower paintings have more vibrancy and a very sketchy energetic feel. The paper is 19 X 25 inches and I think that it is big enough to really make a statement. I have added these new paintings on both my big cartel shop and etsy shop and I am hoping people love them as much as I love them!!!    Abstract project #1 I love creating abstract art. Not only does it get the creative juices flowing but it also very healing as it allows for intuition and emotion to pour onto the paper. Now I already create lots of abstracts but I wanted to do something different. I wanted to use just some cheap watercolor drawing paper (90lbs and acid free so really its decent paper but just not the really expansive) and the size is pretty big at 18 X 12 inches so it really makes a statement. I wanted to experiment with different mediums and different ideas. I don't want to worry about it being good, I just want to create freely and just let the creativity. and emotions flow onto this paper. My intention is to create one of these abstracts everyday or almost everyday and I will post here on the blog and on Instagram #theabstractproject. Which I encourage you to participate. Best of all I will sell these at an affordable price of $100 I will post these on etsy. And please feel free to experiment and share on instagram #the abstractproject.  The Abstract Project #2 I am having so much fun creating vibrant, expressive and organic flower drawings/paintings. These drawings are created on large paper ( usually about 25 X 19 inches) and I use a variety of mediums such as oil pastels, crayons, color pencils, pens, and acrylic paint.   The art below emerged intuitively as a form of meditation. The writing was also written intuitively and spontaneously on a inspired weekend afternoon.  Searching….......... I am always searching……….Searching for what I am not sure of yet. When I close my eyes I see this amazing light. A light that is so bright and beautiful. A light that glistens like the sun but doesn’t hurt my eyes. This light sparkles with movements of colorful rays that appear to emerge as if from a healing crystal. This light seems to have an overlay of rose pink and sends healing energy to me. This healing prism of beautiful light that dances in my mind radiates warmth and love.    I have been following Anika Starmer's art for about a year and a half now and let me just say that her art and patterns are absolutely beautiful. I can't tell you how many times I have been blown away by her amazing talent. She is an extremely talented artist and the way she approaches color is simply breathtaking. In addition her patterns make my heart skip a beat with joy. I really think her patterns need to be on fabrics or products because her art just makes me so happy. You can see more of Anika's art on her website: http://www.aisforanika.com and her Instagram: https://instagram.com/aisforanika     Just finished this painting today. Honestly there is something so wonderful about painting flowers. The colors and the energy are happy and I like being happy!!! I also love that I can express my flower paintings in my own way without being too concerned about realism.
 My family and I just came back from a much needed vacation. My husband and my son went to Jamaica for 2 weeks ( My husband is Jamaican) and they got to enjoy their time with family. My daughter and I flew to NJ and visited my sister and my husband's parents. We then drove to Virginia Beach and stayed with my best friend for a week. We were supposed to drive down to Florida and spend time with my dad and step mother but plans changed and we just stayed in Virginia Beach. Being back in the Hampton roads was a wonderful time and it reminded me so much of living in the area when I was in the Navy and attending college (ODU). It really was an awesome time and very relaxing. Too bad I didn't take many pictures. This happens to me a lot. I say I am going to take lots of pics and I am always so busy being in the moment that I forget to take pictures. Well at least I have my memory of the trip.      Well I have not written on the blog in over a month. I have been super busy. The kids got off from school at the end of May and I have been pretty much taking them to various activities, the pool....etc. So yeah it has been pretty busy. Then there is school. I am currently in graduate school for public health and was taking biostatistics the first part of summer. Well lets just say that it was super hard and I was super nervous that I would fail the class and be kicked out of school. However, I did manage to get a B so I am very happy about that!!!
I have also bee binge watching Netflix shows like The fringe, Being Human, Lost Girl and other paranormal types shows. Needless to say I have not been able to create art daily as I would like to. I have also noticed that I have been super stressed and irritated the past week or two. My irritations have been everywhere it seems. The people at the Starbucks line ordering like 5 drinks, my husband has irritated me, my kids were getting on my nerves, driving became toxic to my stress as I would hit every red traffic light and it seemed like I was always behind a slow driver. So finally I had enough and I knew I had to do something..... So I went into my art studio ( AKA the tornado shelter room in the house) and just painted and listened to podcasts. An you know what? My stress melted away and I feel so much better. So I need to really make time to create art no matter how stressed I get. |
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